Planes, Pranks & Pepto Bismol
Tales and Tips From a Seasoned Road Warrior

Non-Fiction By Bob Behrent

Reader Comments                            

                                                    

Great book. Funny as hell and packed full of information to help us abused and unappreciated travelers get through the struggle. Behrent says in the forward that he wrote it as if he were chatting over drinks on a Saturday night. That couldn't be more accurate. I felt as if I could just jump in the conversation. I would have loved to.



Tom Fletcher  City ?   Five Star Review From Google Books



Thanks Tom. Yes, we are unappriciated. If it wasn't for all of us road warriors the airlines would be out of business. Hey, contact me and maybe we ca plan to cross paths on one of our trips and have an adult beverage and chat in person.  BB 


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Definitely awesome book to read for a guy like me who is clearly still only a 'Business Traveler', after just about over a year of traveling and your epiphany at the end of chapter 2.   I am flying to Chicago tomorrow and have decided to lay off the work at least 1 way and enjoy your book some more. Best of luck with the book, it already has my vote. 

Sincerely,Steve   --  NYC            

Hope you're a registered voter.    BB
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From Books-A-Million Site. 5 Star Rating.Great book! It made me laugh a lot and all while I picked up a bunch of pointers. I especially got a kick out of the trade show chapter.

Rob  --  Kirkland, WA

Maintain the PROPAS, my friend.  

BB

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My wife bought me your book to take on my first business trip. After reading it, it looks like I have a lot to look forward to and some not good. At least now I have some hints as to what someone else did. I really liked it. Also very funny and no holds barred. My best to you. Thomas G - Reston, VA

You married right despite what the in-laws think.  BB
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Great book. For some reason the ‘the way cave men ate their Jell-o’ comment tickled me so much I thought I’d wet myself.  Deb – Ft. Lauderdale, FL

My apologies to your bladder.  BB  
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One thing I can say is that you’re a survivor. I travel a little and have a hard time with the junk I get from all ends. I don’t know how you did it. Well, now I do and I am now adding some items to carry per suggested lists.    PJ – Austin, TX  

Survivor, yes. But sometimes, just barely. BB 
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So what’s wrong with Omaha?  --  Bill O.   Omaha, NB  

Nothing! It's the same as London, Paris or Rome.    (That is London, Ontario,   Paris, Texas and Rome, New York)    BB   
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I am greatly appreciative that you included the fact that women are also in the world of business travelers. Airline problems are not gender related issues. They are inclusive to all travelers and the fact that you understand that makes this book of interest to all. Especially to me. Thanks for a wonderful, informative book and some good laughs. Even if you did insult a few female flight attendants.   Susan – Arvada, CO

I learned long ago that the kiss of death is to leave women out of the stream of recognition. Thanks for your remarks--- but no fool here!   BB
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Read your book. Loved it. The sick puppy chapter was interesting. I never had a heart attack or food poisoning. I just broke my leg once on a trip. They set it and I lost a day and a half. Then I went back on the road.  It worked to my benefit. I made my sales calls on crutches and got a lot of successful sympathy.    Jason G.   Sanford, NC

When you left for your trip did someone say, “Have a good trip. Break a  leg?”  BB
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I would have thought you were exaggerating the Asian travel section but I have been to China and Taiwan. You are right on the money. I laughed through most all of that chapter. Even in the parts that were not supposed to be that funny.          Carlos D – Clearwater, FL

Ni hao, Carlos. You really have to experience it for yourself to totally appreciate my remarks.  (Ni hao means 'Hello' in Mandarin)    BB
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Liked the book. Lots of good information.  Jack W. -  Santa Clara, CA

Thanks Jack. You too should write a book. A short story, perhaps.      BB
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 I liked to book until the parts bashing flight attendants. I don’t think that was necessary.  DL (Location Unknown)  

This is great! A flight attendant read the book. No bashing - truthful experiences. Well, if you fit the mold . . . oh, well.   If not, I wasn’t writing about you. If you do fit the mold, now you know what pisses us passengers off. Fix it!   BB
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I enjoyed the book very much. I plan on telling one of my husband's friends from work about your book and adventures.This guy travels to Paris and Europe all the time. His daughter lives there. Also travels for business. He will really enjoy this book.Very interesting and fun to read. On second thought might make a good Christmas present for him! Will buy another one.Marguerite  - Flanders, NJ  

Thanks for the verbal flowers. And YES, Christmas is coming soon. Books (especially mine) are always a great gift.   BB
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How could you possibly deal with some smelly person next to you for hours on a flight? I could not deal with that. I don't travel that much but fortunately it has never happened to me.Silvia T. - Concord, MO

Well, usually there will be no empty seats to change to. So, unless you want to carry a jar of Vicks rub, or some strong mentholated cream to smear under you nose, you will have to grin and bear it.   BB
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You are so right about checking your rental car. I got screwed royally once by not noticing the dent until the next day. Excellent book and very funny. I sure would not want to duel you in insults.Ken W. - Noblesville, IN

What insults? I only speak the truth and my mind's involuntary verbal reaction. But thanks for the insult compliment, or is it insulting compliment? Whatever - thanks.   BB
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Information was ok. Didn't like the comments and remarks.

Todd - Sandy, UT

Well thanks for buying the book, Todd. Maybe pass it on to someone who has a sense of humor. - BB
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Hello Bob;I have to admit I did not pick up your book right away. I've been pretty bummed out with how badly my Dad is doing with his Alzheimer's these days. What a mistake that was. Your book was just what I needed to lift my spirits. What I'm most happy about is "Its the real you". I'm really glad some publisher did not convince you to water it down, even on the blond references (Where she was announcing the wrong destination). When I read the book I can almost hear you narrate. Really cool.

Even in your signature to me, you spoke of the journey and not just the destination. Earlier in my life I was always obsessed about the destination and never paid much attention to the journey. Your book is beginning to teach me how to enjoy the here and now. Something that until l recently has eluded me.  Your friend,Jim C  -  NJ 

Thanks Jim,   You could not have written nicer words and I am glad you are enjoying the book and getting some laughs. It is a lot of stress dealing with your dad's Alzheimers. There is a lot of tips in the book regarding dealing with stress. I hope some of that helps. But humor is one of the best anti-stressors and I know you've laughed throughout the pages.   Regarding the signing, I like that saying ("May it not be about the destination, but about the journey.") because as in 'LIFE' it IS about the journey. One can worry and obsess about that destination but what you do along the way will determine the location of where you land---if there is even a runway there.   -  BB
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I am starting to travel a lot more in my job. Glad I found you book. It's a pisser. Funny and cool information that is really good. Your list of items to pack is the best.            

Tony D. Brooklyn, NY 

Hey, thanks Tony. I am glad you liked it because no one (not even me) would risk pissing off any 'Tony' from Brooklyn. Enjoy your travels.  -  BB 
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You nailed the Asian travel chapter. I laughed through it because I go to Taiwan and China a lot and have experienced what you have. I thought I was the only one who noticed the table manners thing. Great book.
Mark Z.  San Carlos, CA

My favorite food is "Chocolate Dirt."  Mmmm. Slurp!!______________________________________________________________________ 

I like the humor and sarcasm in it, it makes the story and I can understand why you put it in. I'm sure you have heard of the 'Blue Collar Comedy Tour' there, [In the USA] bit like the saying from that 'Here's your sign.' More later.

Well, finished the book last night and my original review stands, it was a very good and informative book with good humour throughout. (You can use that.) I have a queue of people wanting the book now. I'll try and double the NZ fan base.In one of the later chapters about medications/drugs you mentioned NZ, have you been here to know that fact or researched it?

Looking forward to the next edition of the book now.Carl B.  New Plymouth, Taranaki, New Zealand

Hey Carl, thanks for the compliments. As mentioned, [In the forward] the book is aimed toward the business traveler. But the stories, comments, stress-advice and humour* (spelled it your way) are universal. However, some of the humor is U.S. based and perhaps people from other countries may have not understood some of my comments. For example, I mentioned Rodney King, and related a quote from the O.J. Simpson trial. These are classic U.S. news items you may not have ever heard of in NZ. Re the Melatonin in the EU & NZ: This is a warning that comes with the purchase of the product here in the U.S. It is sold over the counter at health food and vitamin shops here. Funny, in Amsterdam, for example, you can buy pot, hash, and a variety of mind altering drugs with your selection of prostitutes---all legally. But if you sell melatonin you can go to jail. Go figure that out.

If you intend to loan it out to friends and family in the queue you mentioned, be sure to get some money for it and send me my roality. --- BB

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The book was very good but I was annoyed at your use of the word a-hole throughout the book. 
Anson D.    Reedsport, OR

I never used the word "a-hole." It's ASSHOLE! Loosen up.You can say it!

OK. So, you don't like the word ‘Asshole?’ Would you prefer the more politically correct ‘Rectal Void?’ How about ‘Hinny-Hole?’ Or, ‘Bung-Hole?’  Come on Anson, get over it!  

The word “Asshole” is the most refined and the friendliest of all the angry insults you can cast at someone that truly deserves it.  

Calling someone an asshole is perfectly acceptable because: It is not raciest, not sexist, not anti-Semitic, not anti-Christian, not anti-Muslim, not anti-anything. It does not offend their mother or any other family member. Everybody has one, everybody knows one, and everybody has been one at one time or another. Also, everybody has one in their family, whether admitted or not, and if not admitted, you might be the one. 

Assholes are everywhere! Drive on any freeway and they will be all around you. Walk around a crowded shopping mall during a major holiday sale. See any?

They come in bunches, (a bunch of assholes) they come in different sizes, (that big asshole or the little asshole down the street) and there is no age discrimination of assholes. There are old assholes and punk-kid assholes and all ages in between.   

There are disabled assholes. You know, the guy in the wheelchair who runs over your foot and never thinks to say, sorry. Yes, he is a wheeled asshole.  

There are whole social or organized classes of assholes --- the U.S. Congress, for example. How about the TSA? The IRS? Highway Patrol? Liberals? Make your own list and I’ll bet it will now probably include authors. (Only if you are an asshole, though.)  

As I said, assholes are everywhere.  -  BB 

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Hi Bob,
I totally enjoyed your book. It was a very easy read. Sorry but I didn’t buy it as I borrowed my son Carl’s  [Carl B from NZ above] book. I read it while on holiday in Australia. I can see how you can get mucked around while travelling. We had our share of hassles, mainly with customs wanting to do checks for everything, including gun powder residue. As if we look like terrorists. Keep up the good work and happy travelling.
Dennis B.
Stratford,
New Zealand

Thanks Dennis. I don't know how you look but I have seen security screening 80 year old women in wheelchairs and treating them like terrorists. You know that, because you read the book. By the way, tell your son he owes me that royalty for the book, since I understand he rented it to you.  Cheers! -  BB
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Hi Bob
 
    This is Linda M.(nee Behrent) from Stratford New Zealand.  I am an older sister of Dennis and an auntie of Carl who leant me the book.
     It is 40 years since I married but I have never stopped being a Behrent!!
     I enjoyed your book very much and agree with your comments about the thin skinned politically correct people we come across all the time.
     I am a semi retired primary school teacher and come across lots of attitude from students and parents.  The kids are 5-12 and sometimes I despair about the future.
     I laughed out loud at many of your adventures but wanted to query your comment about the pronunciation of Qatar.  My daughter worked as a planning manager for Air New Zealand and has recently shifted to Qatar as a Strategic Planner for Qatar Airways.  She insists we call it Cutter as in hedge cutter.  After reading your book I googled the pronunciation and found that in 2002 Brendan I. Koener said that it was not “Ku Tar “ but something halfway between cutter and gutter.  Who knows if he is right?  Who cares anyway? I know that when I tell people where my daughter is they always correct me!!!
     My Dad Albert (Bert) Behrent also read your book and was so proud to claim you as a relative!!
 
All the best,  Linda   Stratford, NZ 

Hello Linda,
 
Great to hear from you---yes, another Behrent. I am glad you enjoyed the book. As you know from reading it I am one of those Behrents that say what they think and is not afraid to do so ... and as I got older, I think I need to speak up even a bit more.
 
We are most likely in the same period of schooling and Qatar was pronounced as you and I do today. If you google 'dictionary.com' they not only parse it as below, with emphasis on either first or last syllable, but they have an audio that you can click and hear it. Americans tend not to pronounce their "t"s anyway. So, it may become "cudder." Even worse.
 
It is almost like lies and rumours. After a while everyone thinks it is fact. If the (so called) elite news media says it, it must be correct. Sure. All those idiots do is read from a teleprompter--just like our president.
 Qatar  -  [kah-tahr, kuh-tahr]  
 
I am sure if the name is Behrent, there must be a family connection. So, I agree we are family. I will call you cousin.
 
Best regards,
 
Bob

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Hi Bob!
Visual:  Friday, November 20, 2015……

I am on an 8 hour flight from Sao Paulo, Brazil to Miami (wearing my Bose noise cancellation headset), sitting next to a fellow (he is in the middle seat) who had never flown before (stone face, white knuckles, no book, no videos and staring straight ahead, terrified, for 8 straight hours).
I am reading your book, laughing like a lunatic……. I’m sure the poor guy wanted to open the window and jump out!
I loved your book! 
The day before the flight I had a very high stress conference call with the very same purchasing guy you mention – The King of the Jerks Asshole!   Hahahahaha!
I too prefer the aisle seat and recognized immediately, the idiots of the Humpback and Sideswinger persuasion.   KILL THEM ALL NOW!
Food:  I have had my share of “snambled eggs” and whale (whole) milk.
Bob the Loser Party of One….. HAHAHA………..
Although I have not had it publically announced….. it certainly seems that the entire restaurant is staring at you and you KNOW every patron is thinking (WHAT A LOSER!) as I sit by my lonely self in a restaurant while on travel.

Now the difference is that men can sit alone at the hotel bar and have a drink.

If a female does that, the bubble over my head says “HEY!  I’m Jayne the Floozy, and I want to get picked up!”

Regarding the chapter of getting sick while away from home. 

15 years ago, I was in Mexico City and fell ill from something I ate at a fancy restaurant.

You know the drill…. Hugging porcelain and/or getting a close up view of the grout on the cold tile floor.

Imagine my surprise (aka HORROR!), when the “hotel doctor” came to the room wearing cowboy boots, carrying a carved leather doctor bag (that looked like a converted saddle), and a mustache that would make Gene Shalit envious
I was lying on the bed because I was too weak (from puking and otherwise all night) to move.
He brought out a needle (in slow motion) about the size of a yardstick and started walking towards me. 

I didn’t know if he was going to drug me and sell my body parts on the black market, or he was injecting me with some Mexican miracle drug that the USA FDA would not approve because it was so effective that it would put all USA doctors out of business.   

I figured I was going to die anyway if I didn’t accept the injection and gave him my white American butt cheek.    

As you can imagine, I slept the whole night through and made the next morning AA flight back home to Miami Beach.

Lessons learned:  never eat sushi unless it is driving distance from Miami Beach Mt Sinai hospital.

I work for UPS and am on the contract logistics (warehouse) side of the business for Latin America – specifically for the RMA (warranty) side of the high tech sector.  
Part of my job is training field sales people in Latin America about products they are too stupid to understand will increase their commissions by 70% if they include my product in their sales presentation to customers to “add value”. Ahhhh…. The 5 Star Hotels!  The Fordor Restaurants! The First Class seating in air travel!  The exotic locations!  The interesting people!
Right.  Well that doesn’t happen in real life but we do know that there can be fun and adventure to be had (and that is generally AFTER it happens and you can laugh about it)……..and MUCH more interesting than most people’s jobs that sit in an office and do excel spread sheets all day.
I 1000% enjoyed your book and laughed until tears ran down my face!
Thank you for writing The Road Warrior! 

Regards

Jayne


Hello Jayne,
 
Thank you so much for you comments and how you enjoyed the book. As you know by now, my sense of humor and sarcasm an and fearlessness to be blunt and not politically correct can offend some people, but I don't care. And by your remarks you sound about the same. I am glad you had the great pleasure of annoying your seat mate due to the book.
  Your story about the Mexican doctor in a winner. Very funny---now. People like us could collaborate on stories like ours and probably create a [partially fiction] best seller. Too bad I didn't know you before. I could have gotten more info on the female travel experience. As you know, although mentioned, I bowed out on details of a woman's business packing; I dared not tread there.
Yeah, I get the 'lone female floozy" syndrome. But men get hit on too. Just like the Pittsburgh experience where I got locked inside an office building by trying to escape the drunk varicose vein Miss Piggy babe.
  Thanks so much for you great review. Perhaps you could post it on Amazon. I have gotten a lot of emails but no one has posted a review for Planes, Pranks & Pepto Bismol.
  Hey, if you like murder mysteries, with a paranormal twist, you my like my novel only on Amazon Kindle. The Guardian of Haunted Hill - - A Paranormal Murder Mystery.
  Oh, now, if I am alone tell them "Table for two. I'm meeting someone." Then I fake a phone call and say they just cancelled when I am seated
 Safe travels and best of luck with the super assholes.
  
Bob Behrent
(Now Retired -- Hallelujah!

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                    Five Star Review From ReadersFavorite.com 
                                              
Book Review

 Bob Behrent, author of Planes, Pranks and Pepto Bismol considers himself a road warrior. A road warrior spends hour upon hour traveling from one city to another on business, faces airport delays, rental cars that don't run, incorrect directions and hotel rooms that are dirty, but yet they keep traveling.

Behrent spends a lot of time in airports. Apparently that’s where he came up with the idea for this book and where he wrote it. He doesn’t hesitate to name names of businesses that do not practice good customer service. Much of this book is written tongue in cheek yet there I also several good hints embedded in the text.

I found myself laughing at Behrent’s take on airport security. With obvious reasons he has an aversion to removing his shoes. He also refuses to remove his belt and prefers the body scan. He reminds readers that at one time he carried a Swiss army knife in his carryon luggage. He makes note that the no bomb signs have been removed from the airport.

Certain hotels have made Behrent’s black list. He kindly lists the hotels he prefers. He also suggests having a database of restaurants. The chapter on rental cars will bring a laugh to the reader. From a mix up of keys, to getting in the wrong car, Behrent has faced it all and survived.

Planes, Pranks and Pepto Bimol is a humorous look at travel.
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